The Beautiful One

I'm writing this post in the middle of untold fear.
i dont know why i am this typical of person.

when im afraid, i pretend to be chill
when i want to cry, i smile and laugh instead
tears dont wanna come down

but heart is hurt until i think the sadness maybe will swallow me alive.
today i should have a very good day
i have a fabulus reunion, a nice nap time and a relaxing saloon session.

but i dont know why, in the saloon, maybe this man, the masseuse has a magic hand that made me feel sad, insecure and want to run that moment

i feel hurt, my body my arms yet my heart...

after everything has done i bought a worshiper music which i rare to do it. my body shake and shake again, trembling as that moment i will be collapse, tear apart like a piece of paper.

im afraid
i pack a lot my fabric this night, i throw away many things and u cry the painful cry
my body still trembling like a leaf

i want to flee

my life is a waste... why i disgrace what i have like this
i dont know either

maybe people see me as the strongest which not even let tears drop in my father's funeral
but im the weakest

if i cry, i maybe turn to be crazy

i need a hand and a hug this night, which i never can have

all i see in the mirror is just a girl, a girl with the beautiful smile with the painful heart

teach me to express please, because it is realy hard to do